This week has been like none I’ve ever experienced in my 54 years of life. Even with preparing for Y2K, and the rising anxiety 1999 brought, it isn’t the same as being launched into preparation and forced changed when something is literally happening in the moment. This ever-increasing momentum in the US in the past two weeks, especially in the past few days here in California has brought quick change.
I think I’ve handled all the shifting pretty well without panicking, or letting too much anxiety bounce around inside me like a pinball machine. I watch only enough news to be informed and practice what I need to, but as soon as I feel too much fear rising, I know it’s time to turn it off. Aside from worrying about my family, especially my daughter, I’m doing pretty good. I do wake with a bit of anxiety waiting for me, but I immediately begin my day with breathing, stretching, prayer and meditation. This is increasing my peace and balancing my perspective and my focus.
Yesterday was Saturday. I’m calling it my Pandemic Saturday since it was the first weekend since I began working remotely, stopped being with people, and started this strange new way of living. We were called to shelter-in on Thursday night by Governor Newsom. What’s interesting to me is that I am actually finding that I am more relaxed in many ways since coming home to work remotely. What strikes me is this sense that I can take a break to walk or cook, which are things I can do when I’m at work for a break, but somehow it feels peaceful here, and I’m actually doing it. I seem to have a more balanced approach to getting my work done. Outside of work hours is interesting as well. It seems to be the radical shift in priorities, not having events to go to, no pressure to try to make social plans happen (the feeling that I’m missing out), the cancelled side gigs.
I’m motivated to do things I could have done before, but for some reason, I really want to now. Things like committing to an indoor workout program. I’m motivated to clean and organize and minimize. I feel like I’m nesting, but the odd thing about that is that it is only me. I have no family to nest for. However, it feels good. It feels like self-care and having even more order in my home space, and brings me peace. I do think I’ve been over-eating this past couple of weeks. In pondering this, I recognize that it’s based out of fear, like I’m storing up. I’m going to get this back in balance.
Friday night was quiet in my neighborhood. Finishing up my work day at home, I decided to walk to the beach and sit by the water. My neighborhood beach is a hidden little gem near the harbor with a wonderful trail. So, it’s not like your typical, packed beach. It was strange, and the same, all at once. There were a few boys fishing, the water was still and beautiful, the sun low in the sky and a few boats were coming in for the night. But there was a stillness in the air, a quiet that was soon to become the new neighborhood normal. I soaked in how thankful I am for where I live and that I can walk a block to such soul quenching peace, and that even in the midst of a pandemic, I am so very content.
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