The Marriage

I'm feeling so free.  Moldable, pliable, rational, like a sponge that's been absorbing so many lost years of time.  The glory of sitting and reading for hours, still sitting on this soft couch even in the afternoon, enjoying the quiet rhythm of my eyes moving from line to line on this book in my hand. The joy of time.  The joy of freedom.  The joy of letting go of things that kept me from floating in this lovely, divine space.

Tenacity has been one of my greatest strengths, all my life.  It has served me well, but it had morphed into a bit of a bulldog that wouldn't let go of a bone.  Pulling, pushing, dragging, forcing.  Perhaps even desperate to be sure of things we can never be sure of to feel safe.

I've always known how to get things done, how to goal-set, how to continue to believe in something that seemed impossible, but not without stress and hard work and anxiety.  I was running on a treadmill of fight or flight for so long, and I'm still uncovering the layers of finding trust and acceptance on the road to peace, maybe, even letting go of goal-setting is now my next lesson?  Wait, just wait.  Live now.  Breathe now.  Release of (perceived) control of timelines or ways that I may think something had to be, or the process of the way there.

I think I'm learning to change my tenacity from a lone bulldozer to a refined goal-setter in waiting for peace and knowing when something is right, before continuing to walk in a certain direction or “closing the deal”.  It seems now, finally, that my tenacity and my deep sense of intuition are walking hand-in-hand.  What a fantastic marriage between an unlikely pair!